I think I get it honestly. I sometimes wonder if something like this is inherited, or taught, or some combination of the two. I’ve written before in this space about how my mom has a knack for making a house a home. I don’t know if she loves houses as much as I, but she instilled in me an appreciation for the slant of light through the window and a kitchen sink with a window and good bones and a welcoming layout and a charming screened-in porch and a front door that begs you to cross the threshold and tell us a story or two.
In Connecticut, we bought our very first house. It took us a while. When we first moved to Connecticut, we rented a two-story Colonial on Washington Avenue. Before that rental house, our small family (first three of us, and then it grew to four) lived together in a parsonage, in a sweet little town in North Carolina. The parsonage was a bungalow, with a furnished living room and a family room that had mauve carpet and paint on the walls to match. The bathroom ceiling was falling into the tub when we first moved into that parsonage, so the congregation hired a contractor to set things right. That bathroom project spanned a few weeks and during the process a hole was opened from the bathroom to the outside; a hole through which mice found their way and gorged themselves on the food our shaggy black dog left behind in her bowl.
When we moved from that parsonage to Connecticut, we didn’t have enough money for a downpayment on a house of our own, so our real estate agent showed us rentals, and a Colonial on Washington Avenue welcomed us with open arms. Two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a front porch, and a screened-in gazebo in the back yard. And, of course, enough room in the yard for a garden.
We’ve had a garden in every house. That’s H’s thing. He’s good at gardening. He doesn’t mind the weeding and planting and watering and tilling and harvesting and tending and coaxing along.
When we’d lived in Connecticut for a few years, we contacted the agent who’d helped us find that rental on Washington Avenue and we told her we thought we might be ready to buy a house of our own. We’ve had incredible luck with our real estate agents. In all the homes we’ve ever lived, there has only been one agent who made us wonder if he had our best interest at heart. But, Loretta was our first agent, and she set the bar high. She treated us as if we were family, and helped us crunch the numbers to make sure we really and truly wouldn’t buy a house we couldn’t actually afford.
The story of how we found that first house is one that takes more time than you intend to spend when you click over to read a blog post. So, I’ll just tell you Loretta called us one day, when we’d pretty much given up, and the tone of her voice gave us hope. I think that house on Augur Street will always be my favorite. It had a fireplace in the living room, and a wood stove in the family room and a kitchen sink with a window, and it had a deck. It had hardwood floors and lots of light and a garage attached to the house. It wasn’t fancy or showy or big. But it was home, and it seemed just as happy to have us as we were to have it.
In the backyard of that house on Augur Street, a garden was already marked out with a shed standing right in the middle. H planted and harvested and weeded and coaxed, and that’s when he told me his love language is quality time. I remember, because he asked me, “Do you want to go out to the garden with me?” So I set up a white patio chair in the grass at the edge of his garden, where the cucumber plants reached over the edge and we hardly said three words while the sun traced a path toward the horizon and the grass lay calm around my feet. And H said, “This is great! This is so much fun!”
“It is?” I’d asked. “What’s so fun about it?”
“Quality time,” he answered. “I just like having you around me. We don’t have to do anything or say anything or go anywhere. I just like knowing you’re nearby.”
So now, it’s this habit we have. He gardens and I sit somewhere nearby. I read a book or take pictures of the sky or I hold the hem of my shirt to offer a makeshift basket for the tomatoes and onions that will join us at home. We hardly ever say much at all on our garden excursions. These days, H maintains a plot of earth at one of the community gardens in our town. We ride our bikes there, or we drive in the car and the train whistle blows in the background while he weeds and I enjoy being nearby.
We are always building this marriage of ours. We are always building home. We are always planting and harvesting and weeding and coaxing, and we are always so glad to be home.
And you? What do you love?
“We are always planting and harvesting and weeding and coaxing, and we are always so glad to be home.” I love your words, and how you help me see beauty in my kitchen window sill. And I love the corner of my front porch where I sit every morning. How the wind blows up the mountain and through me on its way to the sky.
Oh my! What a great description of that corner of your porch! I can almost feel that breeze!
I love your expression of love! I love that Jeff understands my awe and appreciation for nature and beauty and together, we walk hand in hand, exploring it together. Recently, on a trip to Coos Bay, I marveled at the elk and the whale we spotted together and the agates we collected and the sound of the barking seals. I love that we share our adventures together.
I’m missing a body of water in my neck of the woods. Your walks with Jeff sound lovely. I remember when I was on the Coast in Oregon, hearing those barking seals and making my way across the lava formations. Wow! What a great part of the country!
I love this writing, so real and so full of home memories. you are always so encouraging and full of ‘stories’ … can’t wait to read your book.
You are a sweet friend, Sharon. Thanks for this encouragement.
I know you won’t be surprised – but you just described My Honey and me… only our tiny little patch is filled with flowers, not veggies – but the nearby and the weeding, the book reading and the taking pictures, …the building of a marriage is all the same! Love this, and you!
Get out! You guys do the same thing? How cool is that?
I love this post! I don’t garden, but I get the whole quality time thing…I love being with my husband and we don’t have to be doing anything.
Beautiful, Deidra! Just lovely, like you!!
When you came through Lincoln with your husband, and Michelle and I had lunch with you two, we couldn’t stop gushing after you left about how cute you two are and how much fun it is to be around you. You guys are awesome!
Your man said it oh so well – “Quality time,” he answered. “I just like having you around me. We don’t have to do anything or say anything or go anywhere. I just like knowing you’re nearby.”
Who knew it could be so easy?
Deidra,
I have the biggest smile here as I imagine you and your H in the garden together. What’s your love language? I love just being with my husband…doesn’t need to be fancy…just him and me…talking and cuddling 🙂
Mmmm…
My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. And gifts! I am so high maintenance. 😉
oh, me, too …thankfully, my husband is very patient 🙂 I always joke with him that in Eph. 6 it says that the husband is supposed to love the wife like Christ loved the church and we all know who went to the cross
We go on walks. evening walks in the neighborhood, me and honey.. sometimes we watch the ducks at the pond or notice the homes and dream of having a bigger one…. or we talk bout our day. we try to do it in the morn and eve. if we miss one, we catch the other. I love your “gardening presence ” story….
“me and honey..” I keep reading that and smiling. So sweet.
we have a pass to Botanic Gardens. We love to wander around and marvel at how others take care of “our” garden for such a reasonable amount (for the pass!) I even created a digital book – The Garden – four seasons, with pics taken over a 5 year period. It still makes us happy to look at it. and we go there when we can.
What is a digital book? It sounds like a great idea. The other day, I was thinking about how things have changed, and wondering how many people were still keeping their memories with photographs.
…I am loving all the photos that you are choosing to go with your blog posts!
Thanks, Tonya! I’ve been having fun, paying attention to the simple things right here under my nose.
The thing that gets me the most about your words are “… I hold the hem of my shirt to offer a makeshift basket…” I’m the one who digs in the soil with bent back and sweaty brow while my husband watches quietly from a corner of the yard. And like you, he offers up a sacrifice of love — whether it is hands cupped like a small bowl, or the hat on his head, or like you, the hem of his shirt to hold what I’ve pulled from the ground. And I’m always moved by this gentle act of kindness. I love that.
Dina (causerie.typepad.com)
I’m with you. My “seasons” in life are marked by the places I’ve lived. Raising children. Building a marriage. Loss. Life. Very introspective thoughts here. I am most at peace next to a creek. Even the smallest of trickles can provoke the greatest of inspiration.