You don’t need Sunday school flannel-board illustrations of the prodigal son to know how the parable unfolds. It’s a story as old as time itself.
A precocious child asks his father for an early inheritance. The father obliges, and the son tromps off with the money. The son doesn’t call. He doesn’t write. He doesn’t visit home for the holidays.
In the time between the son’s departure and subsequent return, perhaps the father worked his way through deep feelings of grief. Maybe he made his way through anger and disappointment and found his way to love. No matter how he got there, such was the state of his heart when his son returned: full of love, grateful to know his son was safe, and moved to delightful embrace of the one who had been lost but now was found.
The story of the prodigal son points us to the larger story of God reconciling us to himself.
From the moment Adam and Eve fell for the serpent’s trick and did what God told them not to do, God has been working our way back to him. We get confused and think it’s us working our way back to God, but that could not be further from the truth.
The life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is God’s work of reconciliation. He knows we might not take him up on the offer, but God still takes up his post at the end of that road, craning his neck in hopeful expectation that we will return to him on the road he paved for us.
The Bible tells us the father saw his son coming from a long way off. Often, we feel that distance, as if people—and reconciliation—are a long way off. But God challenges us to move toward those whom we consider to be so very far off the mark, even when we’ve been offended by those very same people.
Sometimes, especially when we’re the ones who’ve been offended, the only move we can muster is to talk to God about why we can’t move. That’s a fine place to begin. God can work with that. Reconciliation can grow from there. The greater the offense, the longer it may take. But reconciliation is the entire story of God’s love and work, and that means it is always possible.
Over time, beyond reason and in defiance of all logic, you may find yourself standing at the end of some particular road, a figure approaching you from a long way off.
Move toward them, with open eyes, an open heart, and open arms. This, this movement toward the precocious and offensive one making their way home, is the very hard work of reconciliation. And, when we’re honest in the quiet moments all alone, aren’t we all just trying to get home?
Some questions for you: Who are the people in your life that seem a long way off? Are you hopeful that reconciliation is possible, or have you given up? Are you willing to move toward them in celebration? Why or why not? What would you have to sacrifice in order for reconciliation to happen?
I was betrayed and abandoned. I’ve released my dear friend to God and have moved on. Sadly, she wouldn’t own her part of the whole thing. And finally said that she was done.
Wow. That is such a hard experience, Linda. I, too, have had that experience and, to this very day, there has been no reconciliation. It’s true, we sometimes have to release the relationship and the friend and move on.
As I write about reconciliation and oneness, I struggle with this the most. What to do when the other party won’t or can’t reconcile? I think about it from the individual perspective, like the scenario you’ve described and what I’ve experienced. But, I also think about it from a bigger perspective, such as the perspective of indigenous people, African-Americans, and others who have suffered great offenses in this country, but not been offered a full apology or offer of reconciliation. What is the role of justice in these situations? And what is the responsibility of people of faith? Is forgiveness more important than justice? How does a person find the ability to release when the injustice continues?
Of course, I’m not expecting you to have the answers. I simply want to say I have empathy toward you and your situation. It’s a tough one and it requires much grace and divine intervention. Have you found peace, Linda, or is this something that you carry with you?
Oh Deidra … that bigger, far more global agony … there are far more questions than answers. Yes, yes.
You specialize in asking those hard, greatly needed ones, friend!
When all is said and done, we will each stand before God all by ourselves to account for what we did and didn’t do. We live out Isaiah 1:17 as we ask the hard questions, seek justice, strive to get the word out, and advocate for others, but in the end, I can only be responsible for how I personally live out love and mercy, forgiveness and justice.
I guess I find some measure of peace knowing that His ultimate wisdom and justice far outpasses anything I can wrap my hands around.
Hugs from me to you …
Deidra you have really hit on some necessary questions no one wants to even attempt to answer, but here’s my personal experience with them. Is forgiveness more important than justice? How does a person find the ability to release when the injustice continues?What would you have to sacrifice in order for reconciliation to happen?
As an black woman living in the Deep South, I have heard it all and been called all types of inappropriate names. Being a professional doesn’t change the situation as I’ve had patients who say “I don’t have a problem with colored people.” or “I’ve never had a black doctor before.” I’m still in shock some people say “colored” or find it odd to have a black physician.
In my field however I have to let it go the best I can to function professionally. How can you fight to keep someone alive in the ER/ICU if in your heart you hold animosity against them? You can’t. So I find myself in situations where I have to address the person’s racism head on but with a spirit of love. If no one tells them “colored” is not appropriate, they will keep saying it and unintentionally hurt more people. The hemorrhaging has to stop somewhere, one stitch at a time.
I feel forgiveness has to come first before justice. Without forgiving, the pain blinds you to the process needed for reconciliation. For me, the only way to release when the injustice continues is to settle my heart and mind on a foundation that is stronger than my hurt. You can’t release what you cling too, so you have to find a place to let it rest. I rest on the truth of God’s word. I often find myself in situation of racial prejudice and injustice saying to myself “Saundra, you know who you are and whose you are. Rest in your truth and not in their lie.”
What I find myself sacrificing in order to see reconciliation is my pride, fear, and insecurity. Pride because you may never hear “I was wrong, you were right.” Fear because bold courageous steps often have to be taken for reconciliation to occur. Insecurity because it’s uncharted territory, but every great move of God required trailblazers.
Keep blazing the way Deidra. Tough questions, but great conversation to get started.
“What I find myself sacrificing in order to see reconciliation is my pride, fear, and insecurity. Pride because you may never hear “I was wrong, you were right.” Fear because bold courageous steps often have to be taken for reconciliation to occur. Insecurity because it’s uncharted territory, but every great move of God required trailblazers.”
Saundra, that’s powerful!
I find myself wondering, sometimes, about middle spaces or ground. When we talk about reconciliation and forgiveness, does that always mean returning to the way things were, before? The father of the prodigal son seems able and willing to do this. I think we hope for this (especially from God) when we have been offenders. I know the Bible says to forgive other people so that we might be forgiven of God. But then I see those memes about rattlesnakes, for example. A rattlesnake is a rattlesnake; it’s going to bite. And I have people in my life who don’t seem repentant, to me. It seems as though their interest is in convincing me to enter the same old cages in which they will bite (and poison) me all over again. I’m asking God questions like: is there a way to forgive and love them without…getting particularly near them?
Thanks for sharing this, Brandee. I’m not familiar with the rattlesnake memes, but I do think there is something to the repentance piece. Although, remember the members of Mother Emmanuel in Charleston, who forgave without being offered repentance? I know people questioned the authenticity of their forgiveness, but I don’t think we get to raise those kinds of questions, you know? I think what we have the “ok” to do is to observe and try to figure out what their forgiveness has to teach me. And, is this concept “scalable” (for lack of a better term)? I mean, if we figure out to forgive and love individuals who continue to bite, can that same lesson be scaled to issues like systemic racism, etc.? Again, just asking the questions out loud…
“Sometimes, especially when we’re the ones who’ve been offended, the only move we can muster is to talk to God about why we can’t move. That’s a fine place to begin. God can work with that. Reconciliation can grow from there. The greater the offense, the longer it may take. But reconciliation is the entire story of God’s love and work, and that means it is always possible.”
I’m here, right now. I have a tendency to put distance between the person that hurt me. Especially after I’ve tried to humbly express to them how they hurt me and the refuse to acknowledge it. I am a very quiet (offline!) person and people, family, tend to take advantage of me. So when I try to stand up for myself I get pushed back down. It’s really hard to show grace and love when it keeps happening. But I appreciate what you shared and will commit to start there, about talking to God about why we can’t move and reconciliation can grow from there. My biggest problem is saying to myself “but they hurt me, and it still hurts, and they won’t even acknowledge, let a lone apologize, for the hurt.”