When we moved to Nebraska from Pennsylvania, I had a really tough time making the transition. My new surroundings threw me for a loop in more ways than one. In my book, I’ve written in great detail about my transition to this part of the world, so I won’t belabor the point here. Just know it was tough for me. One of the factors that made the move so difficult was the enormous shift in my cultural landscape. Taken at face value, there are very few similarities between life on the Great Plains and life on the eastern seaboard of these United States. One of my greatest struggles was with what I perceived to be a great lack of diversity, especially in our church.
Things have changed a lot since we moved here, nearly ten years ago—in our community, our church, and in me. Back then, however, I had a deep ache in my soul for a worship service that included a little bit of gospel music or some shouts of “Amen!” from the pews. Then, one day, I received an invitation to attend a retreat on the banks of the Frio River in a small Texas town.
I packed my bags, boarded a plane and made my way to that beautiful retreat center, but when I arrived I was disappointed to find myself surrounded by people who looked nothing like me. There were just two other brown people in attendance, and—I thought to myself—thank God for them! It’s the simple truth. Take it for what it’s worth.
When it came time for the worship part of the weekend, I made my way to the Great Hall with hopefulness that maybe, by some small stroke of divine compassion, someone somewhere had chosen at least one gospel song for us to sing. Maybe—I imagined with unfounded anticipation—someone would burst forth with a loud “Hallelujah!” or “Thank you, Jesus!” while we sang or prayed together beneath the vaulted ceilings and massive chandeliers.
As I walked through the doors of the Great Hall, someone handed me a “program” and I took it with me to my seat among the crowd of retreaters. I remember sitting down and looking at the program in my lap, my heart sinking as I realized our time together would be filled with liturgy and recitations and readings and—to my mind—lots of generalized boringness. I sat back in my seat and began a brief argument with God. “What in the world? I can’t even get a little bit of soul, here in Texas, all these miles away from Nebraska? Come on, God! Can’t you give me a break! Just a gospel song! That’s all I’m asking!” I say it was a brief argument because God did not engage. At least, not in a way that I hoped or anticipated.
And then…
Well, then, someone stood up to begin the worship service and we, the congregation, opened our programs and together joined our voices to collectively participate in the liturgy as it was written and—just like that—I could not stop crying.
Here’s an Hasidic tale that I read today, in Parker J. Palmer’s book, Healing the Heart of Democracy:
A disciple asks the rebbe: “Why does the Torah tell us to ‘place these words upon your hearts’? Why does it not tell us to place these holy words in our hearts?” The rebbe answers: “It is because as we are, our hearts are closed, and we cannot place the holy words in our hearts. So we place them on top of our hearts. And there they stay until, one day, the heart breaks and words fall in.”
While I had been doing all of my ranting and raving about gospel music and sacred dialogue, God already knew the words of that liturgy would be the straw that broke my heart open so I could have a more full and rich experience of him. There was not a single gospel song sung, not a single hand raised in worship that I could see, and no one uttered an, “Amen,” that hadn’t already been prescribed by the programs we held and followed word-for-word. But that didn’t deter the Holy Spirit for a single moment.
Because (and you already knew this) God is not limited to my most favorite and comfortable forms of worship. When I’m exposed to different expressions of worship, my own spiritual life is enriched and my understanding of God (if understanding is even possible) becomes more full. Jodi Baxter seems to be experiencing something similar as she learns about and then incorporates the element of praise into her prayer time.
Worship is an intimate experience. That may be why we don’t like it when people mess with the worship experience in our churches. We need advance warning. And we need detailed instructions. But, we also don’t want to be standing up when everyone else is sitting down, or belting out the fourth verse when everyone else stops at the third verse, or eating the bread from the Eucharist when everyone else is holding it in the palm of their hand until the precise right moment for eating arrives.
All of those feelings are perfectly normal, and our corporate worship experiences are different from our personal times of reflection, praise, worship, and prayer. But, what would happen if you incorporated one new thing into your time of reflection, praise, worship, or prayer? A lot of the time, when we see someone worshiping or expressing themselves in a way that is different from what we’re used to, it’s easy to push back against it, instead of pressing in and letting that experience fall in to our hearts.
So, here are your questions for this section of the book:
- Tell us about the last time you went to a worship service, or a book reading, or a community event that pushed you outside your comfort zone. How did you end up there and what happened while you were there?
- What is your reaction to the Hasidic tale I shared today?
- Has anything in the book raised a feeling of resistance in you? If so, tell us about it (if you’re comfortable sharing).
Last week’s conversation was stellar! I’ve gone back and responded to the comments there, and I’ll do the same here, at the end of the week. I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts about this week’s reading and, for those who’d like, feel free to write about this book club on your own blog and then link up here:
Hey Deidra…I am a new subscriber to ‘Jumping Tandem’. I’m thinking good things come out of Nebraska. You may be aware of another sweet lady there named ‘Michelle’? She also went through ‘culture shock’ when she arrived on the plains. 🙂
I’m not a member of the Book Club, but I find your questions very interesting. I have not been to a worship service anytime recent. To be truthful, I am turned-off of the Church right now. But I recently attended a book reading/meet the Author night at a local library with my SIL who invited me. The author & his wife just happened to be black, residents of a place called Buxton in Southern Ontario; one of the first black settlements in Canada during & following the Civil War. I wasn’t pushed outside my comfort zone, as I have always had great interest in Black history. I read, and watch, pretty much anything I can get my lily white hands on! Hence the invite from my SIL. This author was a delightful, funny, & very interesting speaker. Bought two of his books. Learned more about other settlements in my area, even about blacks who returned to the States to fight for freedom. Since then, I’ve visited two cemetery sites, exclusive to blacks of course. Segregated in life, segregated in death. And yet, I could ‘feel’ the pride rising from the earth as if they were ‘speaking’ just to me. It was an solemn honour for me.
My reaction to your Hasidic tale? I do not exaggerate when I say it went straight ‘into’ my heart. Very wise words & I believe them to be very true of us. Sometimes we must be broken in order to finally ‘get it’.
Like I said, I haven’t been to church in some time, but knowing how uncomfortable & even angry we can be when someone dares to deviate from OUR idea of true worship? Been there, done that. But I am also more comfortable with most change than my dear husband. This might be a new question posed to you, I don’t know. But WHAT does one do when one’s husband spends entire services complaining about this one & that one in the ‘Praise Band’??? That he much prefers the old hymns than the current Rock trend in most churches? That he thinks he can discern what’s in someone else’s heart as they send ‘searing guitar rifts’ through the sanctuary? Complains all the way home? Makes it extremely difficult for me to worship beside him? His heart can be so hard & unyielding sometimes. I’m about at my wits end, despite praying about it all.
I make note, though, that my old church IS getting more diversified people-wise. And I’m glad for that. But I do wonder if Blacks, Middle Easterners, Chinese, ever feel just as you do sometimes when there’s nothing that speaks to their culture & their lives.
Thanks for listening, Deidra. Very good post today. Has me thinking.
Hi Jillie,
I understand the struggle of enjoying something when your husband is very vocally not feeling the same way. My husband and I have very different but still try to do some together. I’ve had to tell him “we have spent the time and decided to come on this hike but I can’t enjoy it while you are telling me all the reasons you don’t” (all the way up the mountain!). He understood and sometimes I still have to gently remind him that we both make sacrifices for each other. As Deidra said in her post, worship is intimate and that’s why we don’t like it when we can’t worship the way we want to. I wonder what he would say if you talked with him about what you would do if the worship was to his preference but the congregation and sermons were not full gospel truth? Maybe you could visit a service occasionally where they sang that type of music, or talked with the worship leader about incorporating those songs now and then? Either way, I think he should know how much his complaining effects you. I’m sure he would reconsider if he knew his words were discouraging his wife, instead of lifting her up. Just some thoughts!
Hi Julie…Thank you so much for your response. Yes, it is difficult when my husband just isn’t on the same wavelength. Not just in church but in many other ways as well. He’s just “grown” into a very negative, cynical man over the years. Another way this shows itself is when he watches the news! Oh my gosh, I just want to run sometimes. I know he doesn’t pray for the leaders of this land, Canada, but just complains day in and day out. It’s very disheartening. He’s a very practical thinker. And much of the time, what he says does make sense as to the betterment of our gov’t, so I occasionally tell him HE should run for Prime Minister! I know I need to be straight with him about how his negativity affects me, especially in church. I have problems with anxiety too, and his behavior really gets me down. I can’t imagine what it’s doing to his own blood pressure and stomach when he gets so wound-up about stuff. I love him dearly, but he’s not the same man he was even 10 years ago. I sometimes wonder if he isn’t ‘under conviction’, as he pays little mind to his own spiritual growth. Which, as we know, deeply affects ALL areas of our lives.
Pray for us? 🙂
I understand! I will surely be praying for you both, and for an opportunity to talk openly about it.
Hi, Jillie! Michelle is, of course, my very dear friend. I am confident God sent her to Nebraska for me. So glad you know her, too!
Thanks so much for your comments here. I’m intrigued by your account of the author’s story and your enthusiasm for and interest in black history. And, I’m with you with regard to that Hasidic tale. It spoke right to my heart, too.
I have had an experience very similar to the one you describe having with your husband. It wasn’t my husband, but someone else very close to me. I prayed and prayed and prayed and, one day, I had a breakthrough. What I realized is that the person doing the complaining was trying to get someone else to do what that person is called to do. I don’t know if that makes sense. But, I do believe a lot of what we criticize in others is the result of something that hits very close to home for ourselves. I don’t know if this is true for your husband but, in my situation (and it’s a difficult place to be, that’s for sure) what I finally understood was this person’s resistance to stepping into a calling. Again, I can’t say this is true for your husband, but it might be something worth considering, as you continue to pray your way through.
Thank you so much, Deidra, for your response. I kinda laughed to myself as I read that my husband may be resisting a calling on his own life in the church. The main gripe he has is with one man who leads the Praise Band. This man is very ‘spiritual’, but my husband suspects he is not all that he seems to be. This man has just been voted in as an Elder and my husband is livid about it! And yet, my husband, as I told Julie below, has next-to-nil interest in developing his OWN relationship with God. Now I wonder if he’s convicted in some way about that. [My husband cannot play guitar and certainly could never sing in front of the church. He’s totally tone-deaf and couldn’t carry a tune or beat in a bag!!! 🙂 ] He also believes that most people at the front of the church simply want “rock star status” and to be noticed; to be seen “up front” by everyone else. And I have no idea how to change that kind of callousness & negativity in him. I know I can’t, but God can. I do believe my husband, bless his heart, has just gone so far backwards for so long now, that it’s like he’s back at square one, spiritually. It’s become glaringly obvious to me that women care much more about being disciples than most men do. Saved? Yes. Committed to Christ in the day-to-day? Not so much.
On to something lighter: Michelle is GREAT, isn’t she? A true friend. It’s wonderful that the two of you are such good friends. Michelle is loyal, is she not?
And yes, here in SW Ontario, there is a whole history unto itself in regards to Black history. I think this interest of mine was in-born. I can send this author’s name and website if you’re interested. Thanks so much, Deidra.
Jillie, my husband and I live on different planets. With constant conflicts, which I pray over daily. My husband is what they call a practical atheist. He believes there is a God and thats where it ends. Anything that has to do with religion, church, and the Bible, he goes into the argument, that everyone has different perspectives, so what makes one more right, then the other. These conversation drive me crazy, as there is no real answer for him. The verse, Walk by Faith and not by sight, is a perfect example of what I believe and he does not.
(Sorry about double linking to a post, friends. I got an error msg first try, then it wouldn’t let me retry unless I created a new post with a different title and URL.)
No worries, Marilyn! Your post is beautiful!
I”m loving the book so far!
1. I am always being pushed outside my comfort zone. I am very introverted and with generalized anxiety on top I am always overanalyzing myself in my surroundings. I am a Big Sister in my local Big Brother Big Sister program and am always looking for activities, when on my own I’m a serious homebody. Most recently I took my Little contra dancing. Heart racing, I took a deep breath as we stepped out of the car and reminded myself that I was the adult. We ended up having an excellent time and my Little already wants to go back.
2. I think it is beautiful. In my struggle with depression and anxiety I am often wishing for things to “just click” so I feel better. The tale reminds me that I can’t make things click but the Holy Spirit is still working in my heart.
3. I identify with Jodi’s friction she feels toward Stu. I lived abroad for several years and was often the only white girl in the room. Since moving back I long for a diverse community (which is difficult where I live) but struggle with jealousy when I’m no longer that only white girl anymore. I’m still sorting through this feeling, where it comes from, what it means, and what to do with it.
Oh my goodness! I completely understand that feeling of no longer being “the only” in the crowd! It is the strangest thing! But, you’re the first person I’ve had actually *speak* it out loud. I’d love to unpack that idea some more in the future. Thanks for sharing, Julie!
It is strange! And it’s a little embarrassing to admit. I think partly my experience is rooted in my history abroad. I am a very anxious person, and living in a culture that was not my first gave me the opportunity to feel free to just be myself and not feel the need to measure up to social norms from home (especially with those my own age). So when I felt like the safety of that bubble was being threatened it bothered me. I think that reaction followed me back to the US. It’s also party a “but I want to be your white (or American) friend” reaction. I don’t know where this selfishness it comes from!
“…I long for a diverse community …but struggle with jealousy when I’m no longer that only white girl anymore.”
That’s really interesting, Julie. I, too, would like to see that unpacked, if at some point you feel there’s a safe space to do so.
Well, I am getting into this book more than I anticipated. I’m still wishing I could understand the viewpoints of some of the characters other than Jodi, though!
I’ve been reflecting on times when I’m out of my comfort zone. I do resonate with you, Julie, because I’m by nature an introvert and seldom make it through a day without feeling as if I’ve been out of my comfort zone for at least a part of it! But the last major outside event was probably at a graduation party for a Nigerian friend in May. How did I end up there? Well, my church is near both a seminary and a Christian college. As a result, we have at least a handful of international students who worship with us (yay!). I make an effort to include as many of the females in our Tuesday Bible study, and that’s how I met Dolapo three years ago.
When she graduated in May, my husband and I were among the guests at her graduation party. We were definitely in the minority, as most guests were internationals. After the meal (yummy, “check”) they put on praise music (melodic, “check”) and then invited us all to dance along. Yikes! I am definitely a white woman with NO rhythm. Dancing alone in my house, no prob! Dancing in public with an entire roomful of graceful women who were born with rhythm…no “check”.
What happened? First, I laughingly ADMITTED my graceless, rhythmless predicament to the women who pulled me into their midst. And they laughed right along with me and showed me some moves. Then they applauded those (halting, probably very pathetic-looking) moves as I tried them out. Truth? I was sweating profusely and very out-of-comfort-zone, but I also felt very loved. I will never have the kind of fluid physical grace that it takes to dance in public, but the spiritual GRACE that these sweet women extended to me is unforgettable. It was a blessed time to experience the true body of Christ!
On to my reaction to the Hasidic tale: what a beautiful picture! I am reminded that the obedient action of applying God’s Word to the outside will eventually result in a heartfelt response. ” Break my heart with Your Word, Lord!”
Finally, I’m not feeling resistance to the book. It is making me feel curious and expectant. I’ll be interested to find out how the Flo/Ruth conflict becomes resolved!
Blessings to you all this week…I love reading your reflections on the chapters and questions!
Thanks so much for joining us, Tara, and for sharing your thoughts here. That graduation party sound divine! Food, music, and dancing are some of the best entry points for learning a different culture…at least in my opinion. I smiled at the picture you painted of the party and the dancing. Your description of experiencing grace is beautiful, and it reminds me just how much we grow when we press into those difficult and awkward situations.
I am still struggling with this book (not my favorite genre) and now I am struggling with the questions this week! Yikes! Does this count as being out of my comfort zone?! 🙂 🙂
I’ve been thinking about you, Lisa! Thanks so much for hanging in there. And, it’s okay not to like the book. But…if this is pushing you outside your comfort zone, it might be fun to answer the questions (even privately) from that perspective. Just a thought…
I missed the deadline for last week’s discussion, but I’m going to chime in on this week’s questions. Reading everyone’s thoughts from last week and this week has been really good and challenging for me, and I’m looking forward to hearing more.
Place I felt out of place recently: the MLK March last week. I’ve wanted to take my kids for a long time and this year it finally felt like they could handle the walk and the standing. (It did all end in tears, but I’m glad we did it! My kids are 3 and 5 and were tired of walking, standing, and being in a crowd.) I loved the music and the inspirational speakers, the prayers. But I still felt self-conscious–I wondered if people thought I was a phony, showing up to an event that honored MLK while I as a white person inherently benefit from a system of privilege and racism. Was it ok for me to groove to the music (because I was feeling it!) or did it then look like I was trying too hard? Was I being respectful enough? Was I allowed to cry during the prayer for unity and peace or had I not earned that right? These are some of the thoughts I had while there. But I think it was good for me to sit in a place of discomfort–I just need to learn to trust Jesus in those moments instead of letting my anxiety/vanity/need for acceptance take over.
I love the Hasidic tale–I think this is why I love my Anglican church so much. We repeat some of the same words each Sunday because sometimes they don’t always sink in or because some Sundays we don’t have the words to pray or praise. So there the words sit on my heart, but God is faithful–most Sundays they break through and sink in even in the most prosaic of moments.
Resistance: Well, I missed the part where we shared which characters rub us the wrong way, but I think the whole thing about drinking bugs me, as does Jodi. I keep thinking–no one is really like this! But I’ll be honest–I’ve read through the whole book and in the end I did feel convicted about my feelings toward/judgement of her–in fact, God humbled me and showed me how I am actually like her in some ways. Imagine that! 😉
Thanks again, Deidra, for organizing and thank you everyone for commenting! I’ve loving this part.
Kvossler…… I appreciate your open transparency in considering the thoughts you have while sitting in a place of discomfort. We often shy away from sharing how we feel because we don’t want to take the chance that others will find us out. I absolutely LOVE your resolve “..to learn to trust Jesus in those moments…..” That is truly the key!!!! He gives us grace to experience life from how He created us and we need to allow Him to keep us in those moments so He can continue to teach us what He is opening our eyes to see.
Thank you for your willingness to share! Thank you Deidra for making this space possible for enlightenment and transformation!! This is great!
Thank you, Lisa. Your gracious response is making me tear up right now!
“I think it was good for me to sit in a place of discomfort.” Ooo, I like this thought. I think being willing to be discomforted is a very good and necessary thing.
Kvossler, thank you for sharing your experience about MLK day. I often feel this way as well. “am I trying too hard, am I being respectful enough” Feeling the need to prove that you are genuine. I think it’s great that you took your children, even though it was burdensome on you to take them walking and standing for so long, what a great example you are showing them.
Greetings FORWARD members as we move along with Week Two. The first question about being outside your comfort zone has prodded me to think. I used to spend a LOT of time outside of my comfort zone when I was in high school, some 30 plus years ago. I attended a Christian school and was able to count the number of those of us who were melanin rich during any school function: classes, chapel services, assemblies, etc. I believe that experience allowed me to begin looking at myself and welcoming my own company so that I am seldom in an area that makes me feel outside my comfort zone. I have learned to allow God to use me wherever He places me and find myself at ease everywhere.
That Hasidic tale is a beautiful demonstration of the best attitude of grace, gratitude and love I have ever read.
As I read each chapter, I keep waiting for the point where I really warm up to Jodi, but she keeps getting under my skin. I really don’t like the way she keeps having so much animosity toward Stu. What is her problem? I keep trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but we don’t get to see inside of anyone else but her at this point in the reading. I do like how Denny is so encouraging to her and she needs to start looking at things through other people’s points of view. I wish she would have a heart-to-heart conversation with him about the beer so that it stops changing their dynamic in such a huge way. Again, I am not condoning the beer nor saying she should not address it, just come at it from more than just how her parents would look at them. I am going to attempt to keep my heart and mind open as we go on to the next section, but she is really continuing to rub me the wrong way.
Happy reading! Until next time…..
Lisa, I keep thinking about my first reading of this book, nearly ten years ago. This time around, I find myself cringing at the conversations about beer and wine. It seems like such a little thing to me, although I understand why it concerns Jodi so much. I don’t even remember reading about these arguments when I first read the book!
I’m really enjoying these discussions, Deidra, thank you again for hosting the club! I find it interesting that so many people (including myself) want to hear from the other characters in the book! The author is actually following a strict “rule” of POV, point of view, in her manner of writing. I prefer fiction written from multiple POV and it’s great to see that others do as well. On to the questions –
1. The last time I was out of my comfort zone, in a big way, was a couple of years ago at an Author event at my local library. They had asked me, as a local author, to join several other authors for an afternoon of sharing about their work, etc. I felt like such a mouse. It was awful.
2. I loved the Hasidic tale, Deidra, thank you for sharing. It was the perfect compliment to your story. It reminded me to be thankful for the times in my life that God’s word has finally “fallen in.”
3. I’m reserving judgement to see how a few of these “issues” work themselves out in the story 😉
Yes, the POV conversation is a good one for me. I have to say, I don’t think it changes in this book. I’m trying to remember, but I don’t think the POV changes throughout this entire series. Definitely something for me to keep in mind if we decide to read another book together in the future.
I’d love to hear more about why you felt like a mouse. Such an interesting description! I’m intrigued, but sorry it was awful.
Okay, I’ve given this week’s question ample thought and it’s time to dive in. 🙂 You KNOW I have a story! I’ll try to keep it short.
1. Last time I was out of my comfort zone was in a black church in Washington DC, but it was a white person who was the source of my discomfort when, after the preacher had clearly invited ANYONE who was a believer to come forward and join in Communion, several of us got up to go forward and a member of our party pulled on my sleeve and whispered, “I don’t think he means us.” We went anyway (not the sleeve-puller).
We were visiting a niece who lived in DC and had become involved in this neighborhood church. She loved it and I could see the impact the place was having on her, so when she invited us all to Sunday service (or not, as we pleased), no way I was missing it. She had told us it was predominantly black. It was great. Music, fabulous. Message, excellent. The people were most gracious and welcoming. There was just this little incident at Communion time.
Here’s an interesting thing that happened afterwards, though. We were invited to stay for cookies and juice or something, and during that time, several church members came up and thanked me for taking Communion. It struck me as a little odd – I’d never been thanked for that before – and it’s only now, as I recall it, that I might be starting to understand what that was about.
2. About the Hasidic tale: Having had my heart broken and almost not recovering from it, yes the words I knew on an academic level fell in and I knew them as if for the first time.
3. About resistance: None.
Oh my goodness. What a beautiful story, Marilyn. Thank you for sharing it here. I’m curious: did you have a conversation with the sleeve-puller after the service? Did it ever come up again? Not that you should have, mind you. I’m just wondering what that might have been like.
I’ve heard it said that sometimes the farthest distance is the one between our head and our heart. So, it’s always meaningful when it happens, yes?
There was a great conversational opportunity, but the younger me did not see it at the time, I’m afraid.
Everytime I go to my local book club I am pushed out of my comfort zone. I get very quiet, almost stupid and listen. When it was my turn to moderate I couldn’t. Another woman took over and I didn’t want to fight her because I didn’t have the same authority I have as a teacher. (Even as a teacher, I’d sometimes let kids do that.) There are some wonderful people in the group but also some difficult people. It’s like a spirit that is not us has set up between us. All of these ladies are politically liberal and I’ve edged farther to the right. And they are in a different place as writers. I’m seriously thinking of letting the group go because reading the books takes time away from books I want to read for pleasure and also as a good literary citizen and because sometimes when folks aren’t your tribe, well they aren’t your tribe and maybe it’s best to let them be. Since I’ve retired I’ve been experiencing how mortal time is.
The theme: be kind to yourself is echoing in my mind and heart for this season.
Yes, on the Hasidic tale. We talk about keeping our hearts “broken open” but I think they scar over from the hurts of life. I do think kindness and even good times soften them. You keep getting hurt, the keloid comes, whether you want it to or not.
I wonder about the “name it and claim it” prayer practices in the book. It reminds me of The Secret, and I think can set a person up for a challenge to their faith. On the other hand I can see how it can build up a person’s faith as well. (This is off the cuff and not super well thought out…)
Thanks for being a safe person to share this stuff with.
Really interesting about your book club, Katie. I’m intrigued. Do you think the women in your book club have helped to push you further to the right, or is the fact that you’re moving right making their liberalism more noticeable to you? Just curious, and don’t feel obligated to answer.
Time. Self care. Keloids. You make me think, sister. In a good way. Thanks for that.
As for the “name it and claim it” prayers, I really don’t know what to do about that. I am always astounded to watch people pray with such confidence for things that seem impossible, or in a way that sounds like bossing God around. And then: POOF! Prayers answered! But also? Sometimes prayers don’t get answered, no matter how we pray them. I think it’s one of the great mysteries of the faith and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that mysteriousness makes my faith a bit wobbly from time to time. I guess it’s important to be wary of formulas? As if to say: Pray this way and you’ll always get exactly what you pray for. I don’t think that’s the way it works. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. As always, I appreciate your perspective.
I have always leaned on the conservative side. Actually it’s more like the side that wants to look for complexity, that wants to break out of the standard narrative and say hey wait a minute, what about this? (Some evangelicals probably think I’m quite liberal. One woman even wondered if I was a Christian! A friend, who is a friend, was offended that I called Frank Schaeffer a Hitler type, because I was criticizing a pro life leader. Frank published the piece so he understood. And yet I get the concern over abortion.) I am also on the side of empathy, even for people that seem very distasteful.
It’s because I worked in a university setting for twenty years, and got emotionally beat up by some liberal narrative stuff. (I was so hurt over something I almost had a heart attack.) I felt very silenced in that environment, and didn’t dare even comment on things here on Facebook that I might have agreed with. Now I can comment, though I have to be careful.
Much of what I’m about is trying to find my way. Trying to learn. But when people beat you up for whatever reason, a person shuts down and gets defensive.
There have been some difficult interchanges with the book group and I guess I’d better start praying for the difficult people, in order to ease my negativity as in pray for their blessing. I may not stay even so because I really need to read other things…
Thank you for your response, for asking…for listening so I could hear myself.
I’m woefully behind but was able to get caught up on reading Chapters 11-20 this week. 🙂 The most recent time I was truly in the minority was when I spoke at a weekend women’s conference at a black church last year. There were six speakers including me, and the others were African American. I had been in situations before where I was the minority, but I had never spoken before (from the platform/pulpit/front) in those situations. I was humbled, nervous (and I don’t typically get nervous when I speak), and deeply thankful for the opportunity. Because my session was on Sunday morning, it was held during the regular church service, and so the pastor was even there!!! Some church leaders and congregation members went out of their way afterward to welcome me. What struck me the most was the style of worship. This church seemed so free, so in love with their Redeemer, and so absolutely unaware of what others around them thought of them.
2. I love the Hasidic tale. I have had seasons when I was more open to the Holy Spirit and times when I’ve ignored Him, or worse, tried to close myself off to Him. All of the truths I’ve heard over the years, they have a way of reaching the deepest parts of my heart even years after I heard first heard or read them. I’m trusting that all the truth we’re imparting to our own children will stay upon their hears and “fall in” when they’re desperate for some relevant wisdom.
3. Right now I have no resistance. 🙂