I love our dining room table.
There are things I have wished for. Not world-changing things. Just simple things I wanted, things to help make our house feel more like a home. Things like furniture I don’t have to put together with an allen wrench. And a bedskirt. And a headboard. And a bathroom with a door that locks. And a window over the kitchen sink. And a big dining room table with lots of chairs around it and lots of feet beneath it.
When we first got married, we lived in a tiny little apartment in Rochester, New York. H was a seminary student and we lived in “Married Housing.” We had hand-me-down furniture, an apartment-sized stove, and a case of champagne that someone gave us as a wedding gift. We were set. And poor. And H said to me, “It may not look like much right now, but just stick with me.” And I did. I stuck with him, and sticking with him has never really been a chore. Not even on the toughest days. Oh, there is work, because marriage takes work. And there have been tears and frustration and disappointment and anger. But there has always been love. Even on the very worst days.
About five years ago, I finally got that dining room table and, right after we bought it, we downsized and moved to a house without a dining room. H disassembled the table and leaned it up against the cinderblock wall in the basement. Every now and then, he’d say, “Do you think we should get rid of that table?” But I knew better. I knew we’d get that table out again and that we’d have lots of chairs around it and lots of feet beneath it.
I was right.
When I turned in my manuscript to my editor, I looked at the blank squares on my calendar and realized there was no travel scheduled, no speaking engagements, no need to get on an airplane and fly away somewhere. So I filled up those squares with parties, because that’s the kind of thing that fills me up.
Maybe you noticed we moved into a new house last summer? Well, it’s an old house, but it’s new to us. And we love each other—the house and us. So, people showed up to our party on Saturday and they stood in the entrance and said things like, “Oh, wow, this is lovely!” and, “There are houses, and there are homes. This is a home.” and, “This feels so cozy!” and, “I love it in here.” And, the other day, our next door neighbor stood next to that dining room table that has a new place to do its thing, and our neighbor said—arms swinging back and forth, “There is such great energy in here!” That’s music to my ears, friends. Because it’s not about the house at all. It’s about the spirit of love and hospitality that dwells here with us. It is about grace and God and holy things like that.
So, we are partying through the month of December, here in our new old house. Thanks be to God.
On Saturday, with all the people squeezed into the corners and on the window seat and around the table and in front of the blazing fire in the fireplace, I took a boatload of pictures. Pictures of new couples, pictures of old friends, pictures of hands choosing cookies from the platters on that table. I took pictures of the fire and the laughing and the leaning in to hear better. And then, when everyone left, I realized I hadn’t put the memory card in my camera. So, it’s all just a memory for me, and a story I get to tell you.
H and I cleaned up the house and we turned out the lights and I couldn’t come down from the hospitality high, so I sat in the glow of the welcome candles in our windows, and relived the entire night. It was good. It was very good.
Some questions for you: Do you like hosting parties, or does the thought of party-hosting freak you out? What was the very best party you every attended? Tell us about your table. Is it the one you’ve always dreamed of, or are you still looking for your perfect match?
And also? I’d love to have you join me for JumpingTandem: The Retreat. It’s a party, hosted by me, and held on the Great Plains, right here in Nebraska. If you’re a blogger, writer, artist, entrepreneur, or an otherwise amazing person with a fabulous dream, or if you just want a place to breathe, I would love Love LOVE to have you join us in May, 2015. For details about the weekend, and to register, just click through here.
I have to be honest, I wince at the thought of throwing a party. My son gets to have his first communion this year, and while I’m ecstatic for that, I’m already dreading the required party throwing. Isn’t it amazing how God gives us all such different gifts? I have no doubt my party-throwing family and friends will share their gifts and help me out. And in the end it will be good.
Yay for first communion! What a milestone, Jenni!
So, here’s the thing: Even with my love of party-throwing, I never like it when I feel obligated to throw a party. It’s the feeling of obligation that messes me up. Because then I start to feel like I can’t live up the expectations. Oh, the expectations!
When we moved to Nebraska, I had no idea what a big deal high school graduation is! Our son was a senior, so I didn’t have a heck of a lot of time to get up to speed. It wasn’t until about one month before graduation that I realized people in Nebraska have wedding-reception-sized parties for high school graduation. I had to take a few deep breaths and figure out what was do-able for me, and what would work for my son. So, my son and I talked it through and realized he wasn’t feeling the pressure. I was putting that pressure on myself. In the end, it was just our small family, eating sandwiches at Jimmy John’s and having good conversation together. It was what my son wanted, and it was the perfect party for us.
You know what, that’s brilliant. I hadn’t even thought to talk to my son about it. Although this is the child who requested “a tree house built by Santa’s Elves” for Christmas so maybe I don’t want to know what he has in mind for First Communion!
Haha! You never know, though. His idea might just set you free! 🙂
I love parties, especially any that you host! xo
See? I could throw a party just because of that comment!
This is beautiful – I feel like I got to come to the table and grab a cookie right along with your guests 🙂 Honestly, the party hosting is not my thing, but I love the idea of it so much I do it anyway, awkward and all!
Maybe that’s what I need to do, just jump in and start throwing parties Jenni-style! Over time I could desensitize everyone to my inability to make small talk or clever decorations!! lol
Right on, Jenni! Do you.
Yes! Awkward and all! Love that. And, you’re always welcome at the table, Crystal.
I am discovering each time we welcome people in to our home that hosting gatherings is truly what I love doing. I can’t cook (thankful for my hubs) but I love gathering around the table to connect at a deeper level with friends. My table either needs to be refinished or we need a new one. Our chairs desperately need to be replaced, but the three words I keep reminding myself of are: Present over perfect. Thinking everything needs to be perfect has kept people out of my house long enough.
With each post your write, Deidra, I basically fall more and more in love with you and your heart. <3
You are sweet, Beth. Me too, you.
I’ll bet your table is perfect. Just perfect. If you’re there, it’s perfect.
I read this with tears in my eyes. Yes it is all about being together, sharing from the heart and sharing beauty and memories and each other. I love it and we also just got a new ‘table’ and because it came from my best friend I love it even more, the chairs are solid and pretty and the table is heavy and seats six with room for more. Now hospitality is a gift I will have to learn, not high on my list but if the Lord pulls me in that direction I will do it without fighting and find my ‘good dishes and smiles’. your words are encouragement. thank you.
I can see your table in my mind, Sharon! And you know what? Paper plates work just fine!
Deidra, You brought back memories of our Seminary days. Now it’s been 42 years since our first apartment. Dining room tables in some homes and not in others. God’s grace and blessings in each home. Although I have a Sanguine personality, I’m not a fan of throwing parties. I prefer quiet gatherings with intimate conversations. So glad you enjoyed your wonderful time with friends. Blessings!
Oh, I love that too, Deb! Quiet evenings with just two or three friends around the table. Yeah. Absolutely.
Yes and yes. I love hosting, and it freaks me out. But each time I host the freaky part shrinks a bit and the love part grows. My table. We have three. And even though I still dream about a handmade Irish Farm Table, I LOVE that at holidays now all three of our tables are filled. That makes them so lovely. Thanks for framing the “easy” things so beautifully once again, Deidra. You’re an interior decorator of hearts. XO
Yeah, I think most of us who like it have grown into it. At least that’s the way it seems. I used to be terrified to have people in my house, because I thought my house (and my life) needed to be perfect to do that. Ha!
That “interior decorator of hearts” thing really got me. I like it, and I receive it. Thanks, friend.
I’d share a cup of tea and some leftover cookies with you the day after, Deidra … I love a little 1-1 quiet gathering best of all ’cause us introverts find that mingling thing kind of hard to navigate …
Oh and I forgot to tell you that my husband crafted our table out of wonderful old Canadian barn wood that we picked up along the way! There’s lots of knot holes that the little ones love to throw food through. We squeeze 12 around its worn and marred surface … and the memories we’ve created there make my heart soar with gratitude.
And yes, I fear it’ll be too big for our next house. But I’m determined it will fit anyway!
That table sounds amazing! And the image of food being dropped through the knot holes is priceless! Do you have pets who take advantage of that particular design feature?
No pets … but the vacuum sure gets a workout when the whole tribe leaves!
😉
So, the funny thing is that I’m an introvert, too! But I do still like a party. Especially when I know the people who are there. If I walk into a room of strangers and I don’t make a connection with anyone in the first hour or so, I’m going to find my way out pretty quickly. But, there’s usually something I have in common with at least one other person in the room, and that keeps me in the game. 🙂
Yep, it’s hard to work the room with ease when you don’t know a single soul. But with dear friends? Bring it on!
We just turned our dining room back into a dining room, and we love it. Community building is one of our family values and a topic dear to my heart. We miss out on many blessings by not seeing this life through community-mindedness. As for parties, yes ma’am. I’m a party girl. We just hosted our 13th Annual Christmas party with over 80 guests in our home . . . it’s one of my favorite events that we host. One of these days I’m going to show up for a Riggs Party. I think that would be most spectacular.
What was your dining room before it was a dining room? And after it was a dining room? I’ve been at a party hosted by you, Tina. You know how to throw a party, girl!
Oh, it’s been a dining room, a playroom, a “piano room” (piano with a couple chairs and a coffee table), and now it’s back to a dining room. 🙂
Oh, this entire post just makes my heart feel good! (Except for that memory card bit!). We have hosted many parties in our married life. MANY. But not so many the last dozen years or so. Now it’s mostly family and we love that the best. Our dining room table was the first piece of ‘nice’ furniture we ever bought, back when my husband was enjoying a brand new job that eventually led to 35 years of incredible connection/success/goodness/hard work. It was being sold by an elderly woman who was downsizing and we got an oval table with 3 leaves and all the pieces of custom-made padded protection, plus 2 arm chairs and 6 side chairs (which eventually fell apart – they were completely upholstered and the legs just gave out on all of ’em. I replaced them with side chairs that matched the style of the table (Queen Anne) but not so much the color, though they blend well. Got ’em at a restaurant supply place for $99 each). The original set, which we bought in about 1972, cost us all of $150. A steal, I tell you.
What a deal, Diana! The table we had before this one was one we picked up at an estate sale. It did the trick, despite the wobbly legs that never surrendered to the wood glue and clamping and tightened we tried. We had a lot of good meals around that table, though.
I just moved too.. this post is making me think of conjuring something up! 😉 guess those memories were for the mind and moment, only! Also…. I AM FROM Rochester, NY! So cool to know we shared the same place of living, for a little while! So cool. As for parties… I just attended a cool party, on Sat! Love to entertain! I agree we were made for each other! 😉
You’re FROM Rochester?!?! We loved our time there! I worked at the University and we were all about the lilacs and the Lilac Festival. My husband was a ski instructor at the local ski hill, and we windsurfed on the lake. Great times! Great memories!
Yes ma’am! ; Born and raised! I love Rochester and it’s surroundings for the beautiful lakes and all. .Its just too cold. 😉 Yes the Lilac Festival is the best! Windsurfing! Ideal! 😉
Honestly, I haven’t hosted anything but family for years. Because, with this family, we can fill the whole house. You make me want to host again, Deidra. This was beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
Family counts, Diane. And you know what? I think it makes a difference when you live close to family. All of my family members live hundreds of miles from me, and there’s just no easy way to get to one another. If they lived closer, I wonder if I’d have so many parties like the ones I have now. Maybe, I’d have lots of family dinners instead? And, I imagine your family gatherings are spectacular, because that’s how you roll, girl!
I love to host parties, but my husband lives and works farmer’s hours (he’s usually in bed by 7), so it’s been years since we hosted a party here. I do host and lead a women’s study in my home once a week during the day and I love it. What I love is that over time, the ladies are comfortable enough that they feel at home. They know what’s in my kitchen cabinets, pantry and fridge, as well as where they can find a broom. And I’ve learned to relax and not try to make everything perfect every week. Nice and clean, but not perfect.
Absolutely! It’s great when people get to the point where my house truly is their house and they make themselves at home there. I guess I consider every opportunity to have people in my house, a party. Even bible study—probably the best party of all.
I love gathering people. This may sound nuts, but I actually have three tables. A backyard table from my friend Sarah Harmeyer of Neighbor’s Table, our indoor kitchen table, and a picnic table in our front yard – the turquoise table. Depending on the season of life and my emotional bandwidth I can gather folks for larger parties or for impromptu casual conversation out front with just a cup of coffee. But, the table I most want to sit at right now? YOURS!
I have three tables, too! I have a bistro table in my front room, the huge dining room table, and (of course) my turquoise table on the deck. And, in the summer months, we add one more table outdoors. I’d love to have you join me at any of these tables, Kristin!
I love this post, Deidra. And I love the way you gather people. I actually like to host parties, too, but like you, I am an introvert. So parties take time for inner preparation as much as outside preparation. I am learning, though, to welcome people in regardless of the dishes in the sink and the unvacuumed floor. We’ve had a few people over to our house (also new since September), and I find that I am the whose expectations have to be overcome, not my guests. Thanks for this. It’s wonderful. (And I have only one table really. It’s a nice big table that fills the dining room, though. I love to have friends and family filling it up.)