You can blame Wynton Marsalis for this one. Right here, at the beginning, I should say I’m going to talk about sex, so you can click away now if that news makes you queasy.
For a long, long time, I’ve wanted to write about sex. I want to write and talk about sex the same way I want to write and talk about race and diversity in the North American church. I want to create a safe place to discuss a sometimes difficult topic, and I want to be a voice from the Church that celebrates sex and makes it beautiful again and recognizes we are sexual beings and that God created sex for us to enjoy.
I want the Church to talk more about all these things.
That’s a tall order in this world of ours. I don’t have very many people in my life who talk freely about sex. In the media, it seems everything is about the act of sex. As they say, “Sex sells.” I turn on the radio or the television or my laptop computer and it seems as if a good portion of the population is trying to “get some” from anyone who is willing, and sometimes from those who aren’t.
One recent Friday night, H and I went with some of our friends to hear Wynton Marsalis and the Lincoln Center Jazz Orchestra. Have you heard of them? I grew up listening to jazz. My dad had a stack of albums and a hi-fi stereo system in the dining room of our little house on a cul-de-sac in our New Jersey neighborhood. Some days, my dad would pull an album from the stack, slide the paper sleeve from the album jacket, and gently remove the album from the sleeve. He’d blow across the vinyl surface to remove any dust and then, holding the album between his hands with his fingers extended, my dad would lower the album onto the turntable, move the arm over to the vinyl, and rest the needle into the groove at the very edge of that black, vinyl disc. I met Nancy Wilson in that dining room. I would listen to the music, right there in the dining room, and Nancy’s smooth vocals filled the room and danced across my imagination.
I love jazz. It is a feast for the senses.
Wynton Marsalis is a genius when it comes to jazz. He’s probably a genius about a few other things, too. He and his band featured the music of Duke Ellington, and they played for about two hours Friday night. In between songs, Wynton filled us in on some of the history of jazz, with deep insights that gave the music even more weight and beauty than it had when we first walked into the theater and took our seats.
Near the end of the concert, in a voice that would have caused you to miss it except for the profundity of the words, Wynton said, “When pornography replaces romance, it’s hard to be sensual.” He was talking about the music, and about the way music can help create a mood. He went on to say, “Sensuality used to be the language of musicians. I don’t know what happened. We will return. But not this week.”
It’s difficult to watch a television show or listen to popular music or log on to the Internet without seeing images or hearing words that diminish the beauty of sex. Sometimes it seems as if it’s all been reduced to nothing but a minor league game, including frequent turnovers and trades and substitutions, with the goal being simply to score.
In the bible, Paul reminds us marriage is a mystery, and that it is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church. This is so much more than simply a physical act. It is an intimate and sacred exchange, designed to serve as a covenant between the people involved. We are found naked and wonderfully unashamed, and we taste and smell and hear and see and touch the beauty of love as a sensual and holy act. Not a performance or a skill to perfect. It is the consummation of a covenantal relationship, and it is as unique as the two individuals involved.
It takes time to figure out what that means, and it takes trust to give and receive, and the trust is strengthened in the giving and receiving, and in the passage of time. It is the building of a relationship, and it is sensual and beautiful and holy and sacred. When we let cheap images of sex take the place of romance and sensuality, we short-change ourselves. Because those images become our standard for sexuality, and what God has created and ordained for us is so much more beautiful and sensual and fulfilling than anything you can find on television or in the movies or on the radio or the Internet. It is about giving and not just getting. It is about mutuality and it is about being deeply known and feeling unspeakably safe in that.
I want to talk about these things. I want the Church to talk about these things. And I am grateful for people in the Body of Christ who step across this threshold and who have the conversations we’ve been tiptoeing around for far too long. Do you know people who do a good job of celebrating sex as the gift God intended? Would you share some resources in the comments? If you were going to host a bible study about sex, where would you begin?
For Your Consideration: Craig and Jen Ferguson’s book, Pure Eyes Clean Heart is an account of their journey through pornography addiction. The book is available at Amazon and CBD, as well as in bookstores.
Deidra,
yes, YES. Love that you’re going there. I have a friend who is dating and was just invited to attend worship with her fella. I find that one of the most intimate things you can share with someone. I recently read a great article on how sexy Christian marriage can be, and I loved it. I love my beloved with all that I have and with all that I am, but it’s not always roses and holding hands. It’s building a life together, and sometimes gritty, and racy, and thank you. We shouldn’t be ashamed of being human…made in the image of a loving God, as we are.
AMEN!
Haha! I like the way you describe your love for your husband. And I like what you say about being human, and how it’s nothing to be ashamed of. So true. We are created with bodies, in the image of God, and he makes everything beautiful.
Love this Deidra! It’s so difficult coming from a background of sexual abuse to break free from that mindset of shame and guilt and so important to remember what God intended for us through this deep intimacy with our spouses — a beautiful and sacred gift.
Thank you for this, Lanette. I pray the Church can find her way and her voice so that, prayerfully, fewer people experience the shame and guilt and pain of sexual abuse.
Alyson
Thank you for your writing, I love that you are speaking to such important topics that we need to get out there. As a mother with a preteen girl, I am thrilled to see more of this truth in our world.
Gosh Deidra, you tip-toed in like a ballerina with this one – graceful and strong. Always ahead of the curve, you’ve inspired me. Love you so for this.
Of course, I love that dance reference. You’re the best, Lisha! Love you, girlfriend!
Patricia van Essche
Deidra,
Love is truly something to be shared and you wrote this post so eloquently. I took a Qi Gong class on friday and the teacher explained that we as humans function better when love flows and is fluid sensual exchange. Be it jazz or the words of Paul – it’s good to share this, to talk about it and to encourage others that it’s an honor and a privilege to love and to give love.
pve
Oh, yes. An honor and a privilege. Such a great insight, Patricia. I hope, as time goes on, more and more people will see the honor and privilege inherent in our sexuality.
God keeps you going there, doesn’t he?! What a profound statement on pornography and sensuality. My church is currently doing a series on Pornography, specifically how to speak to and protect your kids from it. Sermons are on iTunes and online, and they’re excellent. Honest, blunt (!), and so worth the time. It’s led to some very uncomfortable but necessary discussions with my own kids. Praise God for people who go there! Here’s the link: http://www.liquidchurch.com
Awe shucks Deidra – I wasn’t sure I could love you more… and then this:-) Part of my passion for Human Trafficking has led me to see just how far we have let society come from romance. True Romance. To be able to talk about sex as a good thing, in a marriage relationship, well, it kind of changes everything. Thanks friend. Can’t wait to follow the thread!
Yes. I admire your commitment to the calling God’s given you. Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason we often turn a blind eye to things like sex trafficking is because of the sexual element, and our discomfort with those types of discussions. We are all sexual beings and, without sound teaching and discussions and leadership and truth, we can’t understand God’s intent, and so we can’t be sure where the lines get blurred and/or crossed in our own hearts. We aren’t comfortable with our own sexuality, and so we aren’t sure how to speak up and out.
Marcy Hanson
Amen. I wonder the same thing-how sex has gone from something that should be beautiful to either shameful or a dirty game. Where is the sanctity in marriage if sex is no longer sacred? I think if I were going to lead a bible study on sex, I’d start with food. No really. Then music. All these things that are beautiful and fruitful and that our bodies and souls crave, but have gone from sustenance and necessary to pornography of their own. Then I’d work into relationships. *shoulder shrug*. It’s a tough one, but I think that’s where I’d start. 🙂
Oh my goodness, I love the way you’re thinking! I read this earlier, and have been thinking about it all day. I’m going to sit with it for awhile, and see where it leads.
Marcy Hanson
🙂 I’d live to read your thoughts after it simmers!
Karrilee Aggett
Oh I LOVE this! Just yesterday, after a drive up to the mountains, in search of signs of Fall, my Honey and I meandered through orchards and backroads to get back to town. We were noticing some amazing homes, tucked in in the middle of nowhere. D said “Wow – they live way out here…” and I said without thinking, “with a lot of money and a lot of space…” I was simply stating the facts, not in a wistful or wanting way, but just in case, D replied with, “but I bet they don’t have hot sex like we do! You can’t buy that… well, you can try but…” But you can’t… the kind of intimacy and love, and yes – hot sex, that comes from a committed, long term, no-matter-what relationship… you can’t buy that!
One of our Go-To Wedding or Bridal shower gifts is Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. Another great book (an older one… haven’t read it for years, but I read it as a newlywed and loved it!) is Naked and Not Ashamed by Wendy Treat.
Oh and Jazz… so much yes! (Did I mention that my Honey is a Jazz guitarist?)
I love that you wrote this…and so beautifully at that (like all your writing!) I totally agree with Karrilee “the kind of intimacy and love, and yes – hot sex, that comes from a
committed, long term, no-matter-what relationship… you can’t buy that!”
Recently, on Jacque Watkins Mud Stories podcast w/Shannon Etheridge she mentioned the book The Sexually Confident Wife….let’s just say that part of my life was good before I bought the book…it only got better.
I believe we have to do something to change the tide. Young people are inundated with sexual images and too often, I think, completely miss the true value of a committed marital relationship.
Amen to all you wrote here. I feel the same, if the word “sex” is involved no one wants to talk about it. I’m happy that you have created a safe space to talk about it here. May we all be brave and share more openly about sex. Maybe our courage will help remove the shame and the stigma.
I hope so. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to help reduce the shame and stigma so often associated with sex and discussions of sex?
Jody Ohlsen Collins
Carrie Abbott, Legacy Institute–here in Seattle (it’s really just she and her husband). Radio show, amazing speaker. Our youth pastor invited her this summer on a Sunday morning. It was frank and funny and godly.
(and by the way, Ms. Deidra, excellent way to introduce Craig and Jen’s book…. We need to shine the light, yes we do.)
Thanks for the recommendation, Jody. Headed over to check her out right now!
Kim Hyland
“Do you know people who do a good job of celebrating sex as the gift God intended?” Mmmhmm . . my husband and I. And our kids. The married ones especially, but the younger ones look forward to receiving that wonderful gift as well. We talk about it openly and often. I don’t say that to boast but to give God glory for His wisdom and grace in our family. It doesn’t mean there haven’t been and aren’t sexual struggles, but the beauty, purity and joy of sexuality as God made it serve as a constant motivation to pursue Him and His design. If I was going to host a Bible study about sex, I think I’d start with what we know about the Trinity, spiritual intimacy, and sexuality as an expression and symbol of unity. Awesome post, Deidra. You’re just going EVERYwhere 😉 XOXO
“We are found naked and wonderfully unashamed, and we taste and smell and hear and see and touch the beauty of love as a sensual and holy act. Not a performance or a skill to perfect. It is the consummation of a covenantal relationship, and it is as unique as the two individuals involved…It takes time to figure out what that means, and it takes trust to give and receive, and the trust is strengthened in the giving and receiving, and in the passage of time.”
This was spot on. Your whole post was lovely, and I absolutely agree with you here. It is a sensual, holy act that gets better with time. Because it’s not about gratifying but about union.
My husband and I will celebrate our ninth anniversary this week. And though we have only just begun, I am amazed at the depth, pleasure, and trust that has grown in every aspect of our marriage over the years. Absolutely including sex.
I love Wynton Marsalis! He’s so real. And I love you Deidra, also, as a writer for keeping it real. There is a wonderful book on the market that my husband and I both have read that covers sex, but also the entire intimacy genre and needs of two individuals as a couple, in a marriage as a whole. I love the exercises in it, and I love the perspective. After my husband I read it every night before bed, I wanted to spend time on our “garden” every night, because of the depths of the intimate conversation in which we we founds truths as well as intimacy. ( It was really fun to do! )The book is called “His Needs her Needs,” by Willard Harley Jr. And here is an awesome link that gives you an idea of the questionnaires couples complete at the end of the chapters. (Link on MarriageBuilders. com) http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf Thanks for writing this article, so well done.
Yes Deidra … Going there again…. Love it… And yes this needs to be talked about openly and honesty …especially with kids… Too much of the message is… No no …sin sin…. Instead to talking about this beautiful gift God gave… A gift he created so He really knows how we can experience the fullness He intended sex to be… It is good… And the very best way to unwrap the gift is in the way He designed it… I long to hear the tone change…let’s paint such a beautiful picture.. And just maybe kids will be drawn to the Artist of the masterpiece… And He will “explain” all the meaning of His picture!!!!
pastordt
Well, of COURSE you are. Because this is what you do. Be brave, lead, speak truth to power. And man, do we need that on this topic. Kudos to you.
Deirdre, what a gift to find you today! This is my passion and I am emboldened and grateful when I find a kindred voice. So… while I shy away from nominating myself, I really must tell you… “Me. Me!” 🙂 “Love and Making it” is the name of my series on my blog and the class I’ve been leading for women to find freedom and bravery and beauty {in bed}. I am writing my entire #write31days series of posts on it as well. http://www.1000strands.com Part of why I have become a pastor is to do this work within the church as well.
But there are more people too! Someone else already mentioned Tara Owens – she has great things to say on sensuality and the body.
As we each share the truth of our stories, without shame or fear, the good conversations will grow. This is wonderful!
June
I’m not as well-read as some of your other readers, but I’d start with the pioneers of Biblical Womanhood like Elizabeth Elliot and Nancy Lee DeMoss. Understanding who God created us to be is the first step in defining our roles as women, wives, mothers, etc. So many women are in bondage and for many those chains have to be broken before trust and true intimacy can be obtained. I also agree with Marcy, so little of what God set aside as sacred is held sacred anymore. Really, it’s our basic, fundamental views that need to change. Great, big, huge topic, Deidra! Love that you’re going here, too!
Caryn Jenkins Christensen
Hmmm…where would I begin if I {and my BH } were to host a Bible study? Been thinking on this for a few days now. I’d tailor it to those who’ve been wounded in this area. Because honestly, SO many people have been. For the sake of this blog post, let’s use an old statistic that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys have been abused in this area. Intimacy is scary and nearly *impossible* if you’ve been molested or damaged in some way. As you point out, sex is so much more than a physical act. How can you feel comfortable with your sensuality if you’re afraid of being known in the deepest, most sacred way? How can you become one with your mate if you’ve learned through experience how to [separate] protect yourself? And…even if you receive a measure of emotional healing prior to marriage, the practicality of learning to trust another individual with your sexuality can only be worked out within the marriage bed itself.
Glad you’ve brought this up Deidra. Although there are some, there are few too many resources on this topic.
Megan Willome
I am so jealous you saw Wynton Marsalis in person!! I’m still stuck there. 🙂
You go ahead and go there. I’ll come along.
Debbie
I love what you wrote. Well done! I also enjoyed this article:
Deidra,
yes, YES. Love that you’re going there. I have a friend who is dating and was just invited to attend worship with her fella. I find that one of the most intimate things you can share with someone. I recently read a great article on how sexy Christian marriage can be, and I loved it. I love my beloved with all that I have and with all that I am, but it’s not always roses and holding hands. It’s building a life together, and sometimes gritty, and racy, and thank you. We shouldn’t be ashamed of being human…made in the image of a loving God, as we are.
AMEN!
Haha! I like the way you describe your love for your husband. And I like what you say about being human, and how it’s nothing to be ashamed of. So true. We are created with bodies, in the image of God, and he makes everything beautiful.
Love this Deidra! It’s so difficult coming from a background of sexual abuse to break free from that mindset of shame and guilt and so important to remember what God intended for us through this deep intimacy with our spouses — a beautiful and sacred gift.
Thank you for this, Lanette. I pray the Church can find her way and her voice so that, prayerfully, fewer people experience the shame and guilt and pain of sexual abuse.
Thank you for your writing, I love that you are speaking to such important topics that we need to get out there. As a mother with a preteen girl, I am thrilled to see more of this truth in our world.
Bless you, as you raise your daughter, Alyson. Here’s something you might enjoy reading, from my friend Marcy: http://www.marcynellhanson.com/2014/10/a-letter-to-parents-day-6.html
Gosh Deidra, you tip-toed in like a ballerina with this one – graceful and strong. Always ahead of the curve, you’ve inspired me. Love you so for this.
Of course, I love that dance reference. You’re the best, Lisha! Love you, girlfriend!
Deidra,
Love is truly something to be shared and you wrote this post so eloquently. I took a Qi Gong class on friday and the teacher explained that we as humans function better when love flows and is fluid sensual exchange. Be it jazz or the words of Paul – it’s good to share this, to talk about it and to encourage others that it’s an honor and a privilege to love and to give love.
pve
Oh, yes. An honor and a privilege. Such a great insight, Patricia. I hope, as time goes on, more and more people will see the honor and privilege inherent in our sexuality.
God keeps you going there, doesn’t he?! What a profound statement on pornography and sensuality. My church is currently doing a series on Pornography, specifically how to speak to and protect your kids from it. Sermons are on iTunes and online, and they’re excellent. Honest, blunt (!), and so worth the time. It’s led to some very uncomfortable but necessary discussions with my own kids. Praise God for people who go there! Here’s the link: http://www.liquidchurch.com
Thanks, Kimberly! And kudos to your church for tackling a tough subject!
Awe shucks Deidra – I wasn’t sure I could love you more… and then this:-) Part of my passion for Human Trafficking has led me to see just how far we have let society come from romance. True Romance. To be able to talk about sex as a good thing, in a marriage relationship, well, it kind of changes everything. Thanks friend. Can’t wait to follow the thread!
Yes. I admire your commitment to the calling God’s given you. Sometimes I wonder if part of the reason we often turn a blind eye to things like sex trafficking is because of the sexual element, and our discomfort with those types of discussions. We are all sexual beings and, without sound teaching and discussions and leadership and truth, we can’t understand God’s intent, and so we can’t be sure where the lines get blurred and/or crossed in our own hearts. We aren’t comfortable with our own sexuality, and so we aren’t sure how to speak up and out.
Amen. I wonder the same thing-how sex has gone from something that should be beautiful to either shameful or a dirty game. Where is the sanctity in marriage if sex is no longer sacred? I think if I were going to lead a bible study on sex, I’d start with food. No really. Then music. All these things that are beautiful and fruitful and that our bodies and souls crave, but have gone from sustenance and necessary to pornography of their own. Then I’d work into relationships. *shoulder shrug*. It’s a tough one, but I think that’s where I’d start. 🙂
Oh my goodness, I love the way you’re thinking! I read this earlier, and have been thinking about it all day. I’m going to sit with it for awhile, and see where it leads.
🙂 I’d live to read your thoughts after it simmers!
Oh I LOVE this! Just yesterday, after a drive up to the mountains, in search of signs of Fall, my Honey and I meandered through orchards and backroads to get back to town. We were noticing some amazing homes, tucked in in the middle of nowhere. D said “Wow – they live way out here…” and I said without thinking, “with a lot of money and a lot of space…” I was simply stating the facts, not in a wistful or wanting way, but just in case, D replied with, “but I bet they don’t have hot sex like we do! You can’t buy that… well, you can try but…” But you can’t… the kind of intimacy and love, and yes – hot sex, that comes from a committed, long term, no-matter-what relationship… you can’t buy that!
One of our Go-To Wedding or Bridal shower gifts is Sheet Music by Kevin Leman. Another great book (an older one… haven’t read it for years, but I read it as a newlywed and loved it!) is Naked and Not Ashamed by Wendy Treat.
Oh and Jazz… so much yes! (Did I mention that my Honey is a Jazz guitarist?)
Hot sex! Yes, indeed! And, I thought you were saying you bought sheet music as a gift. I was wondering, “But what song?” Good grief!
I love that you wrote this…and so beautifully at that (like all your writing!) I totally agree with Karrilee “the kind of intimacy and love, and yes – hot sex, that comes from a
committed, long term, no-matter-what relationship… you can’t buy that!”
Recently, on Jacque Watkins Mud Stories podcast w/Shannon Etheridge she mentioned the book The Sexually Confident Wife….let’s just say that part of my life was good before I bought the book…it only got better.
I believe we have to do something to change the tide. Young people are inundated with sexual images and too often, I think, completely miss the true value of a committed marital relationship.
Thank you for going there, Deidra!!
Just bought that book. Thank you!
I’d put Tara Owens in your list. www [dot] taramowens [dot] com.
Thank you! I’ve spent a lot of time this evening reading her article in Conversations. Very insightful.
Amen to all you wrote here. I feel the same, if the word “sex” is involved no one wants to talk about it. I’m happy that you have created a safe space to talk about it here. May we all be brave and share more openly about sex. Maybe our courage will help remove the shame and the stigma.
Christy @ A Heartening Life
http://www.ahearteninglife.com
I hope so. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to help reduce the shame and stigma so often associated with sex and discussions of sex?
Carrie Abbott, Legacy Institute–here in Seattle (it’s really just she and her husband). Radio show, amazing speaker. Our youth pastor invited her this summer on a Sunday morning. It was frank and funny and godly.
(and by the way, Ms. Deidra, excellent way to introduce Craig and Jen’s book…. We need to shine the light, yes we do.)
Thanks for the recommendation, Jody. Headed over to check her out right now!
“Do you know people who do a good job of celebrating sex as the gift God intended?” Mmmhmm . . my husband and I. And our kids. The married ones especially, but the younger ones look forward to receiving that wonderful gift as well. We talk about it openly and often. I don’t say that to boast but to give God glory for His wisdom and grace in our family. It doesn’t mean there haven’t been and aren’t sexual struggles, but the beauty, purity and joy of sexuality as God made it serve as a constant motivation to pursue Him and His design. If I was going to host a Bible study about sex, I think I’d start with what we know about the Trinity, spiritual intimacy, and sexuality as an expression and symbol of unity. Awesome post, Deidra. You’re just going EVERYwhere 😉 XOXO
“We are found naked and wonderfully unashamed, and we taste and smell and hear and see and touch the beauty of love as a sensual and holy act. Not a performance or a skill to perfect. It is the consummation of a covenantal relationship, and it is as unique as the two individuals involved…It takes time to figure out what that means, and it takes trust to give and receive, and the trust is strengthened in the giving and receiving, and in the passage of time.”
This was spot on. Your whole post was lovely, and I absolutely agree with you here. It is a sensual, holy act that gets better with time. Because it’s not about gratifying but about union.
My husband and I will celebrate our ninth anniversary this week. And though we have only just begun, I am amazed at the depth, pleasure, and trust that has grown in every aspect of our marriage over the years. Absolutely including sex.
I love Wynton Marsalis! He’s so real. And I love you Deidra, also, as a writer for keeping it real. There is a wonderful book on the market that my husband and I both have read that covers sex, but also the entire intimacy genre and needs of two individuals as a couple, in a marriage as a whole. I love the exercises in it, and I love the perspective. After my husband I read it every night before bed, I wanted to spend time on our “garden” every night, because of the depths of the intimate conversation in which we we founds truths as well as intimacy. ( It was really fun to do! )The book is called “His Needs her Needs,” by Willard Harley Jr. And here is an awesome link that gives you an idea of the questionnaires couples complete at the end of the chapters. (Link on MarriageBuilders. com) http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forms/enq.pdf Thanks for writing this article, so well done.
Yes Deidra … Going there again…. Love it… And yes this needs to be talked about openly and honesty …especially with kids… Too much of the message is… No no …sin sin…. Instead to talking about this beautiful gift God gave… A gift he created so He really knows how we can experience the fullness He intended sex to be… It is good… And the very best way to unwrap the gift is in the way He designed it… I long to hear the tone change…let’s paint such a beautiful picture.. And just maybe kids will be drawn to the Artist of the masterpiece… And He will “explain” all the meaning of His picture!!!!
Well, of COURSE you are. Because this is what you do. Be brave, lead, speak truth to power. And man, do we need that on this topic. Kudos to you.
Deirdre, what a gift to find you today! This is my passion and I am emboldened and grateful when I find a kindred voice. So… while I shy away from nominating myself, I really must tell you… “Me. Me!” 🙂 “Love and Making it” is the name of my series on my blog and the class I’ve been leading for women to find freedom and bravery and beauty {in bed}. I am writing my entire #write31days series of posts on it as well. http://www.1000strands.com Part of why I have become a pastor is to do this work within the church as well.
But there are more people too! Someone else already mentioned Tara Owens – she has great things to say on sensuality and the body.
As we each share the truth of our stories, without shame or fear, the good conversations will grow. This is wonderful!
I’m not as well-read as some of your other readers, but I’d start with the pioneers of Biblical Womanhood like Elizabeth Elliot and Nancy Lee DeMoss. Understanding who God created us to be is the first step in defining our roles as women, wives, mothers, etc. So many women are in bondage and for many those chains have to be broken before trust and true intimacy can be obtained. I also agree with Marcy, so little of what God set aside as sacred is held sacred anymore. Really, it’s our basic, fundamental views that need to change. Great, big, huge topic, Deidra! Love that you’re going here, too!
Hmmm…where would I begin if I {and my BH } were to host a Bible study? Been thinking on this for a few days now. I’d tailor it to those who’ve been wounded in this area. Because honestly, SO many people have been. For the sake of this blog post, let’s use an old statistic that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 8 boys have been abused in this area. Intimacy is scary and nearly *impossible* if you’ve been molested or damaged in some way. As you point out, sex is so much more than a physical act. How can you feel comfortable with your sensuality if you’re afraid of being known in the deepest, most sacred way? How can you become one with your mate if you’ve learned through experience how to [separate] protect yourself? And…even if you receive a measure of emotional healing prior to marriage, the practicality of learning to trust another individual with your sexuality can only be worked out within the marriage bed itself.
Glad you’ve brought this up Deidra. Although there are some, there are few too many resources on this topic.
I am so jealous you saw Wynton Marsalis in person!! I’m still stuck there. 🙂
You go ahead and go there. I’ll come along.
I love what you wrote. Well done! I also enjoyed this article:
http://momlifenow.com/2014/11/09/crazy-hot-sex/