Earlier this year, I felt as if God was telling (challenging? inviting?) me to expand my territory. Do you remember when that little book, The Prayer of Jabez
was all the rage and everyone was praying, and asking God to expand their territory, and meaning all sorts of different things when they prayed that prayer?
Well, this year, I feel God sharing that message with me, but with a little bit of a twist on it. It seems as if God is throwing that verse back at me, saying, “You expand your territory. Step out of the same old circles. Sit at a different table. Listen to someone else’s story for a change. Get a different perspective. Introduce yourself to a new group.” I feel God saying something to me that sounds like, “Cast your net on the other side of the boat.” So, I’ve been doing that.
And, when I say I’ve been doing that, what I really mean is that God has been opening up some different doors for me—casting my net for me. I’ve been invited to speak at conferences and to sit at tables (both virtual and in real life) with people who are passionate about making sure the richness of God’s creation is represented, and may I just tell you it’s been like taking a long drink of water from a cool, refreshing, living spring?
I don’t know if this season will last forever. I don’t know if God is dusting off my sandals. What I do know is that I was thirsty, and I didn’t even know just how badly I needed this drink of water.
Last year, I made the decision to pull back from places that tend to disappoint and frustrate me. You all know by now, diversity is my passion—especially in the Body of Christ. For some reason, God won’t let me be done with it. I know people want to be done with it. I know people want to move on and find something else to talk about, and I’m right there with those people. I want to move on and be done with it. But, I keep looking around at our country, and the churches and the conferences and the blogging trips and it’s clear to me we aren’t done with it.
Not yet.
It’s no simple thing. And being the squeaky wheel gets old. That’s the honest truth. But it’s also necessary. So, I’ll keep squeaking. But, I’m feeling freedom to stop pressing where the message isn’t taking root. Because I get my hopes up when it looks as if the tide may be shifting. Then I realize people have come face to face with the implications of making sure all God’s people are represented, and they’ve counted the cost and decided it’s just not worth it.
Believe me. I know it’s easier to keep things the way they’ve always been. I totally understand. It’s just that I’m not convinced God intends things to remain “the way we’ve always done it.” And, for the moment, at least, I feel a little bit of freedom to step off the roller coaster of thinking things might be changing, and then realizing…not yet.
Here’s the thing about expanding my territory and getting a different perspective, though: stepping away has made it that much clearer to me, just how much we need to tear down the walls that divide us. Stepping away has deepened my resolve. Sitting at tables and sharing platforms and speaking at events where being a black woman (or having people of color in the lineup or on the planning team or in the audience) isn’t an anomaly, has affirmed in me the richness we miss out on when we insist upon, or make excuses for, the lack of diversity in our lives and work and ministries, as people who follow Jesus.
It makes my head spin. And I have deep thoughts about it. Thoughts I’m afraid to share, and for which I don’t yet have words.
So, I’m focusing on simpler things these days. Like the way the light shines on everyday, ordinary objects. And the way the grass feels under my feet. I’m paying attention to what it feels like when my bare feet discover an acorn in the driveway. I’m soaking up the trickle of watermelon juice from my hand to my elbow, and the way the juice makes my kitchen floors all sticky if I don’t wipe it up. I’m watching the sun set—not taking my eyes off of it as it slowly dips below the horizon. I’m watching the way it seems to melt away and I’m paying attention to the fact that it’s not really setting as much as the earth is moving me away from it.
And I am thanking God for giving me permission to let it go. For now.
amen.
because that’s all I’ve got.
God speaks to me through you, Deidra.
thank you for going there.
and thank you for jumping.
This is fantastic. Also. Don’t stop talking about it. Please. Don’t.
Like my Dad said last night when I was telling him about the loveliness of you, and about the two-year-old you, 3/4 of the way down that church aisle, and he said: “We’ve made progress, but there’s no way to stop talking about it, until there’s no reason to talk about it.”
Maybe someone would say we were just a bunch of white folks on a boat in northern Minnesota who don’t get it. But maybe that’s the point. We are a bunch of white folks. And maybe we don’t totally get it. But we are trying. And we are totally WITH YOU.
With.
You.
Your focus is so childlike . . bare feet, watermelon sticky, sunlight and shadows. As I watch my 4 month old granddaughter awaken to the world around her, I’m reminded of how children are so good at embracing (even preferring) what’s new, different, and diverse. Sounds to me like you’re in the perfect place for the work and words God is growing in you.
I echo Jen’s sentiments, Deidra. THIS IS FANTASTIC. ALSO. DON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT. PLEASE. DON’T. Yup, she summed it up. And so did you. Thank you.
Bravo, Deidra. Bravo for going there with endless courage and grace and for being one way God’s heart is made known to my own.
I love you to pieces. xo
Deidra, this work is the most challenging, heart wrenching and lonely work I have ever done! I feel your pain. I learned that it is good to set it aside for a season when I feel myself becoming edgy when the topic comes up. You are not alone and you are wise! I love you sweet sister!
I just love you. Honestly. You’re one of the wisest people I know, and I feel honoured to know you. You and your words are filled with utter gracefulness. You’re wonderful, Deidra. Absolutely wonderful.
So good, thank you.
We have to talk about it because there’s beauty in truth and embracing one another. A few years ago, I wrote a blog post called, “On Being..Black” and I opened the door to questions….any questions about what it was to be a Black woman. I loved the honest, curious questions and I believe that many new friendships and understanding come from questions and answers. I hope that you will always “go there”. That’s you, my friend, always bringing together, community.
I hear you Deirdra…..one song-line He turned around for me was Fall afresh on me…..He said I am to fall afresh on HIM~! Seems He is calling us to participate in a whole new way instead of asking Him to do it all. Hmmmmm
Deidra, this line really made me say, Amen!:
“So, I’ll keep squeaking. But, I’m feeling freedom to stop pressing where the message isn’t taking root.”
The older I get the more freedom (permission) I’m giving myself to NOT do the things that bring no fruit (yes, that’s a double negative). I realize that Jesus, too, wiped the virtual or real ‘dust’ off his feet (or His voice) and just moved on when he knew people weren’t listening to what He had to say. I’m beginning to understand what He meant when He said, “He who has ears to hear……”
Thank you for sharing honestly where you’re at in this process. I rejoice with you at the many places God has opened up for you to share with those who have an ear to hear.
Sometimes it feels like the discussion has timed out and ended until something happens making it eternally clear, it hasn’t and it can’t. Your voice is clear, honest and necessary, Deidra. God will give you the words.He’s positioned you perfectly to speak his heart. (Isa 61:1-4)
Rest knowing that as you step back from these coversations, you’ve set the table for others to “hear you” without saying a word. Your name and actions scream His glory on this topic. I’m grateful for you Deidra.
Beautiful. And keep going, friend. We’ll be there to hold up your arms when you feel too weary to continue. Because this is important and I believe in you and what God is doing through you. I need to keep learning, and you teach me with such grace and passion.
So, so, so good, Deidra.
I’m grateful for the way you see, for the way you share, for your passion to see things change. This is beautiful, Deidra. Don’t stop–praying for you as you rest. Love you much.
Deidra, this is simply beautiful, your writing, your heart. I’m grateful for the rest God is giving you (I long to walk in the cool grass with bare feet and sit right next to you and watch the sun “melt away”), but I’m also grateful for your brave voice and passion that refuses to ignore what’s wrong. I love you, Deidra, and when you return to “talking about it” I promise I’ll keep listening.
Enjoy your break, but don’t stop. Don’t EVER stop. So thankful that you give me pause and make me rethink things.
As you follow His heart, I know He will lead you… to the highways and byways…and to the quiet corners of life… He knows and loves us so… He knows best how to tend to our souls… thanks for continuing to go there… upstream can be wearisome… that is why we need rest!!!
So many reasons to say thank you for this. Thank you for modeling what it is to listen to God’s direction. Thank you for pushing when he says push and holding back and resting when he directs. Thank you for publicly articulating things I see in the world but can’t put words to so I can pass them on to others to say “THIS!”. I look forward to more of your wisdom and expertise, whatever you are willing to share with us.
you refresh me, Deidra. and I can’t help but believe that your work has just begun …
Deidra, you’ve been the voice in the wilderness; I cannot imagine the weariness you feel in being out there and alone for so long. Let yourself be drawn under the Shadow of His Wing; let yourself be called, weary and heavy laden, to your rest…at least for a time. In so many ways, you’ve been godmother to much of my writing, giving me (and countless others, I imagine) permission to holler out from our distance places, Rest, mighty, beautiful, and peaceful warrior. God poured into you a clarion call and it has been heard. We receive the blessing and the calling you have gently laid upon us. We humbly retrieve your mantle. Let us carry it for you. Worship Him in “the way the light shines on everyday, ordinary objects. And the way the grass feels under [your] feet.” Perhaps in time, you will be back. We will always be here, filled with gratitude that you cried out, and that we heard you. Love you more than you know. Chelle
Love this:) A place at the table for everyone:)
So grateful that you keep squeaking away and reminding me of the things that I too easily forget. I know the Lord will give you the words when the time is right (I almost wrote “write”. So, yes, when the time is write too!) Rest easy, friend.
I don’t want you to stop talking about it either Deidra, but I believe that in the quiet moments of noticing and drinking in, He is preparing you to speak the thoughts He’s given you. I look at our beautiful daughter and beautiful you and want so much for things to change.
Bless you, Deidra.
Thank you for letting God use you, and for being willing to squeak for so long. I know your words are planting seeds, even if it seems like there’s no fruit yet. Your passion and your presence are inspiring women like me, and reaching those of us who want to help carry the torch that will hopefully lead to more conversations and a shift to where there’s more diversity.
“Last year, I made the decision to pull back from places that tend to disappoint and frustrate me.”
Subconsciously I sensed this from you; and seeing it there in black and white gives me pause to consider doing the same.
When I’m with you I see all those words behind your eyes and I long to siphon them to your lips…you hold back when you’re with me, so when I see a glimpse of them, I can’t help but hold fast :).
I do love you, friend, and I praise God for how much of Him I see in you. xo
Wow! Blown away by the gentle (yet super powerful) way you’ve ‘squeaked’ about the ever-important topic of diversity. Your genuine heart is shining through.
This is personal, inspiring, and I soaked it right into my heart. Please keep talking about it . . . the message needs to be shouted and whispered. Jesus is the great uniter of siblings. Many blessings to you!
I love you friend, and I’m always behind you.
Your words here are a drum beat and my heart is pounding. xo
If not you, who? If not now, when?
Blessings and courage to you always.
Dina (causerie.typepad.com)
Thank you for these words, Deidra. I’m so glad to find you through Lisa-Jo’s post today. I’m listening and I’m hearing. I’ve also been hearing from God about stepping out of my comfort zone recently. These words need to be said and heard and felt. Thank you for being brave and I echo, Jennifer…please. don’t. stop. We need you and your words and your bravery. Seeing other people being brave gives me and others courage to be brave, too. Sooo glad to find this and find you today.
don’t stop talking about it
Thank you for sharing this, Deidra. I’m thankful to hear your thoughts and hold you up in prayer as you take a deep breath to speak what God has been laying on your heart. We need your witness and your prophetic, words (even when they’re hard to hear).
“to sit at tables (both virtual and in real life) with people who are
passionate about making sure the richness of God’s creation is
represented”……dear Deidra, I can’t tell you how deeply I feel reading that! I am white, with a childhood in Latin America and a lot of years in L.A. and my visual of the Kingdom of God IS. so . diverse. and beautiful and colorful….when I sit in our all white churches, I feel heavy and know a giant part of God’s family is missing, especially where I live now in a city that is so diverse. We have joined up with an ecumenical social justice group made up of ALL varieties of people of Faith, and it is nourishiing my soul just being in the rooms with them. We are discussing diversity as well, and pastors from all kinds of churches are meeting together to talk about how to bring God;s people together! I’m impatient; I want to sit in the results…but God is working here! I will gladly go there with you! Thank you.
Beautiful post, Deidra! Keep expanding your territory!
I also feel God leading me to something bigger. There has to be more to our Christian walk than just giving, and church, and Bible study, and blogging. I know He has more for me, I’m just not sure what it is yet. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. May we all strive to continue to seek His will for our lives – whatever that may be, and wherever that may lead.
I love listening to your voice, Deidra. Your passion and dreams are beautiful and have opened my eyes and inspired me. But I think it’s cool you’re listening to your Maker and delighting in the simple things. God won’t let you miss your train so soak up the time at the Station. 🙂
Found you through Jennifer Dukes Lee. I really appreciated this message, but I don’t think you should stop talking about it. It is a passion of yours. I think your conversation is way more interesting than the superficial conversations that we are constantly forced to have in the public eye, conversations that never get anywhere because we never really address any real issues. We don’t get to the root of the problem, we only address the symptoms. The ultimate question is WHY?
In a place of listening and learning as I read what you and others write and know I have no idea-but I want to listen. And I will keep listening for now. It’s all I know to do. Sometimes I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing I say nothing- just like people sometimes didn’t know what to say to me in my grief so they said nothing. That wasn’t good then and I realize it isn’t good now so I can at least say I don’t know what to say but I care and I am paying attention.
Thank you for squeaking! I praise God for saints like you. I pray you only stop when Sunday morning is no longer the most segregated time of day in America…or around the world for that matter. We should prepare ourselves for heaven by filling our pews and conferences with a multi-hued body of believers. God made us all and said that it was “good.” We should act like we believe Him. My chocolate colored family squeaks with you.
I know from some where LOL
Love it! I’m thinking about going there.